Raising My White Flag

**** WARNING****

This post is not for the faint of heart. 

It is likely that I will either step on your toes or tick you off entirely. 

Jesus is leading me on a journey. One that I know will utterly result in the end of "me."  The end of my dreams, my desires, my hopes, my future, my plans, my goals, my ambitions, my careful planning. The end of all that I hold dear.  My spirit has been restless for ages. My flesh has sensed the undoing of all that I have ever known. This morning I encountered Jesus in such a way that I know, from this moment forward, I will never be the same.

Let's just say this... I'm not on a journey of self discovery- for I can already tell that there will be no more "self" at the end of this journey- only Jesus.

He is beckoning me to come and follow.

I could no longer ignore His gentle whispering. I could no longer ignore the inner gnawing of the Holy Spirit. I could no longer ignore my spiritual anemia- malnourished and in desperate need of an intervention.

Until this morning, the question remained: Do I remain where I am?
Comfortable?
Safe?
Seemingly secure?

Or do I raise my white flag in surrender- accepting the invitation to follow at any cost?

I was at a crossroad this morning, and Jesus was making it abundantly clear to me that it was time to make my decision.

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You see... for years I have been disgruntled and discontent with the way American Christians "live out" the Gospel. I've been frustrated with the growing apathy many Christians display towards those who are suffering- the broken, the oppressed, the widowed, the orphaned, the poor... "the least of these". It seems that we are much more concerned with building bigger sanctuaries, padding our already large bank accounts, designing Bible studies and church programs to further bless the "blessed." Church leaders across this nation are misguiding their flocks into thinking that God's primary aim is to make us happy. That nothing pleases Him more than to see us successful and prosperous. Friends, this notion of a "Prosperity Gospel" could not be further from truth, and to buy into this is to miss out on God's heart entirely.

As the Bride of Christ, we are called to be broken and poured out (as Christ was) for a world that is lost, suffering, broken, and in need- both spiritually and physically.

The statistics on global poverty and human trafficking are alarming. A quick Google search reveals the following:

• Almost half the world- over 3 billion people- live on less than $2.50 a day.
• 1 billion children live in poverty (1 in 2 children in the world). 640 million live without adequate shelter, 400 million have no access to health services. 10.6 million died in 2003 before they reached age 5 (or roughly 29,000 children per day.)
• 15 million children are orphaned due to HIV/AIDS (similar to the total children population in Germany or United Kingdom
• 1.6 billion people- a quarter of humanity- live without electricity

* Source: http://www.globalissues.org/article/26/poverty-facts-and-stats

• There are more than 30 million slaves in the world today, more than at any other time in history. 

* Source: http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/about/slavery/

• Human trafficking is the second largest global organized crime today, generating approximately $31.6 billion USD each year. 
• Trafficking for sexual exploitation generates $27.8 billion USD per year. 
• There are 1.39 million victims of commercial sexual servitude worldwide

*Source: http://www.thea21campaign.org/the-problem.php

 Where is the American church in all of this? Why are we not taking a stand? We have the money. We have the resources. We have the information and statistics staring us directly in the face. We have the ability but lack the heart. It's not enough for us to send over our people for a week long mission trip, passing out tracks and telling the locals that "Jesus Loves You," while their most basic needs are continually going unmet. 

My aching heart has been crying out from within me, "Is this it? Is this all we can do? There has to be something more. There has to be a different way. A way for the church to be the hands and feet of Jesus- to meet the tangible needs of the poor and oppressed. There just has to." 

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I am at a crossroads because I can no longer look at these numbers and do nothing about it. I look around at all of the excess and it literally makes me sick. I cannot watch my favorite tv channels anymore because the constant message being broadcast over the airways is the idea that we need more. More money. More education. More space. More prosperity. More influence. More security. More luxury items. More possessions. 

We are spending far too much time chasing after worthless things the American Dream. I spent far too much time chasing after the American Dream. But as I said before... after today's encounter with Jesus, life for me will never be the same. 

I do not know yet what this journey will look like. I do not know where God is leading. I do not know how God is planning on using me to bring about His Kingdom purposes. All I know is that God is stirring. All I know is that God is at work. It's a leap of faith. It will require me dying to my selfish wants and desires daily- moment by moment even. 

But I am certain of this:

Where He leads. I will follow. No turning back. No turning back.