The Waiting Game

I've always considered myself to be a patient person.

That is... until the Lord placed me in this particular season of life.

I cannot go into many of the details. Oh, how I wish that I could! Perhaps when it is over and we have closed this chapter of our lives, I will be able to divulge in more detail. Let's just say,this season has required more patience than I can offer in my own strength. And it has only been by God's grace {and perhaps divine intervention} that I have yet to take things into my own hands, because I cannot stand the waiting any longer. Believe me, it has been tempting. Very. Tempting. From our adoption to job promotions and everything in between- it all seems to require patience on my part.

This morning I seemed to be at a breaking point. In my morning quiet time I pleaded with the Lord to fulfill His promises to us...now.

"I'm tired of waiting." I would cry out to Him.
"This is getting really hard." I would whine.
"Can't You do something about it? I would plead.

Silence.

And then, after what seemed like an eternity, that turned out to actually be only minutes, He spoke. It was gentle, but firm. Loving, but full of authority. As an adoring Father speaks to His child.

"Dear One, 'I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you.' {Psalm 32:8} Remember, it is I who initiates when to take action. Please, wait for Me. I have only your best interest at heart. And while you are waiting, come and sit at My feet. Enjoy My Everlasting Presence. It is My precious gift to you, child."


It wasn't exactly what I had wanted to hear. I was hoping for something more along the lines of, "I'll get right  on that. You've waited long enough. Now seems to be a good time for Me to fulfill My promises to you. Hang on just a second and let Me take care of a few things first." Instead the Lord wants me to continue to wait on Him and enjoy His Presence in the meantime.

As if to sense my displeasure in His response, He lead me to the book of Joshua. Now, most of you at this point would be like, "oh okay. cool." But for me, this has been the third time that the Lord has lead me to read this book in the past 6 months. Obviously, I haven't gotten the message He wishes for me to receive. And low and behold, guess what I saw on the top of the page in Joshua chapter 1? In my own handwriting were these words: The LORD initiates when to take action. Wait on His timing. 


BAM!

Message received.

But I am not the only human to have walked the course of history and asked God the same question, "when?" The Israelites were notorious for asking this question. In fact, throughout most of the book of Exodus and into the book of Joshua, you can find them asking, "when will we reach the Promise Land?" Many Biblical scholars believe that the majority of the 40 years that the Israelites spent wandering in the wilderness, actually took place up and down on the banks of the Jordan River, merely hundreds of feet from their promised destination. I'm sure that it must have been extremely difficult to know that you were just on the other side of the river of the Promised Land, and yet, you had to wait in order to cross.

There are many reasons why the Lord brings us through periods of waiting. Sometimes it is a result of our own disbelief and distrust. Sometimes, like Moses, it is because of disobedience. And sometimes, I think it is because there are still valuable lessons that have yet to be learned before you are ready to move on to what's next. 

Regardless of the reason why He has asked me to tread through this season of waiting, I know that God always fulfills His promises. 

"Not one of the good promises which the LORD had made to the house of Israel failed; 

all came to pass." 

{Joshua 21:45}

Convicted

"You aren't going to change the world just because you're having a 

quiet time and listening to sermon pod-casts.

Get off your butt and sweat a little."

-Carlos Wittaker

Confession time: I would totally put myself into this category. And that breaks my heart. 

I've sat down at my computer for a week now, desiring to blog about this topic, but I cannot seem to find the words. I stare at my computer screen and that holy gnawing sensation {aka conviction} consumes me. The best that I can come up with is this: the words speak for themselves. There is nothing more that I can add to this statement of truth. Only that- I desire to get off my butt and sweat a little. How that is going to manifest itself in my life is still unknown... but I'm tired of sitting on the bench. I want to get back into the game.

Broken

Photo Credit

Mosaic pieces are some of my favorite works of art. I love how the artist will use the broken pieces of pottery and glass that others would have discarded, to create stunning images. When you think about it, those pieces have every right to be discarded... they are no longer functional, their original intent and purpose can no longer be fulfilled...some would say they are worthless, even. And yet, the artist can look beyond their broken state and imagine something far greater.

"God uses broken things. It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume. It is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever."
Vance Havner

I came across this quote the other night on Twitter, and it has been on my mind ever since. I love being reminded that God takes great delight in using things {especially people} that the world has considered to be utterly worthless, to accomplish His kingdom purpose. He specializes in using the broken.

 Some of the greatest heroes of the Bible are men and women who are broken... who have a past... who have made mistakes... who are plagued with guilt and regret... have taken risks and failed miserably... have been discarded... abandoned...outcasts of society. Think about it:

Adam- broken

Even- broken

Abraham- broken

Isaac- broken

Jacob- broken

Moses- broken

Noah- broken

Gideon- broken

Ruth- broken

Rahab- broken

David- broken

Mary-broken

the Samaritan woman- broken

Peter- broken

Paul- broken

And those are simply the ones that first came to my mind. There are others. Many others. He uses those who are poor to shame the rich. Those who are weak to humble the strong. He uses prostitutes, tax collectors, adulterers, leapers, the demon possessed, the lame, the blind, the deaf, the crippled, and {gasp} murderers and outcasts to accomplish His mission. 

Why? 

Perhaps it is because they have nothing left to lose? Perhaps it is because these are the ones who lavishly hold onto God's grace and are therefore able to extend it to others? Perhaps it is because the broken are not self-sufficient and utterly depend on God to survive from one day to the next? Perhaps it is simply because they are willing- willing to allow God to transform them and make them into something new- something greater than they could have ever hoped or dreamed. I don't know why He chooses to use the broken- but I'm grateful that He does. 

Because I'm broken.

All Aboard!

We've just jumped on board... the crazy train.

It all started roughly 6 months ago. I cannot explain it- other than to say that God was stirring my heart- changing my perspective in a way that only He can do. I began to look around our cozy, modest 1,185 sq ft home and saw something I had never seen before: excess. It came as quite a shock. You see, I've never really looked at all that we have- all that God has graciously given us- and considered it excess. On the contrary... I've secretly wanted more... More space in the living room to entertain our family and friends. A larger kitchen that could comfortably fit more than 2 people in it at a time. More room in the bedrooms for our children to run around and play. Granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances were on my wish list. More attic space. A 2 car garage. My list of wants only continued to grow with each passing month. 

Suddenly, I began to see areas in our life where we were wasting the precious resources God had given us. Areas that needed purging. I started rummaging through our closets and bagging up clothes that hadn't been worn in years. I began sifting through our attic and garage, boxing up things that we never use. I've made several trips to Goodwill over the last couple of months. And in all this time of purging excess, I couldn't quite explain what was going on inside my head... not to my husband... not even to myself. I lived in a state of tension, pleading with God to reveal His will to me, why I was suddenly going "crazy."  Little did I know, one of my favorite authors- Jen Hatmaker was in the process of writing a book on this very subject. And once again, I felt as though Jen had taken a look at the random thoughts that have been floating around in my head for months, processed them, and articulated them in a way that finally made sense. 

In a recent blog post, jenhatmaker.com, Jen explains the premise behind her new book- 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess. BOOM baby! She nailed it! This is exactly what I have been feeling for months. Praise God that she had the guts to publish this book and subject her family to further scrutiny. I applaud her for such courage. If you have a moment, take a look at Jen's blog. 

Now, I want to put this out there as a sort of disclaimer, we {the Card family} do not claim to have this all figured out. Not at all. This is a process, a journey if you will, that God has invited our family to participate in. We are by no means suggesting that this is something that everyone should be doing. If you feel God inviting you to participate in the mutiny against excess, that's awesome and we are thrilled to have company on this crazy, difficult journey. But if not- we are not judging you. Not at all. Please understand that. I was a little apprehensive about even blogging on this subject, but in the end, felt like sharing it with you regardless. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter. 

How Jesus Ruined My Christmas

Photo Credit

ru-in [roo-in] 

a fallen, wrecked, or decayed condition

the downfall or decay of anything

to devastate

to injure irretrievably

to fall to pieces

it implies irrevocable and often widespread damage...

⁶ For to us a child is born, 
   to us a son is given; 
and the government shall be upon his shoulder, 
   and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, 
   Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

{Isaiah 9:6}

Jesus ruined my Christmas.

Wrecked.

Destroyed.

Obliterated.

I have been somewhat melancholy during this particular Christmas season. 

Unable to get into the "Christmas spirit." 

Traditions that once brought me great joy, now left me feeling empty and unsatisfied.

All month long I've gone about my daily routines with this sort of gnawing sensation deep within me that I simply could not shake. 

I so desperately wanted to make this Christmas about Jesus. 

Having worked in retail {both secular and Christian} for 10 years or so, I have seen first hand what can happen to those who lose sight of why we celebrate Christmas in the first place. From Black Friday to Christmas Eve, I've seen the true ugliness of humanity. Men and women storm into shops and retail establishments in mass numbers, each one of them demanding discount upon discount; then screaming, cussing, or even threatening physical violence when the poor associate trying to help them{who is just trying to earn a paycheck by the way} cannot meet their demands. I've seen people accuse retail associates of "destroying" their Christmas because the product that they came in to purchase is no longer available. I've seen customers take advantage of the long lines at the register to shoplift and short-change associates. I've seen respectable men and women throw grown up temper tantrums when managers cannot bend company policies and procedures in order to meet their demands. 

Having also worked in a church, I have seen people in heated debates over whether or not to celebrate the life of St. Nicholas in their households. 

Or which seasonal phrase brings Jesus honor:

"Merry CHRISTmas"

or

"Happy Holidays"

I've seen church goers rant and rave over how Christmas Eve services are planned and executed.

Or leave the church all together because the traditional Christmas cantata has been canceled. 

I've seen more pride, anger, jealousy, rage, selfishness, and malicious behavior out of 

Christ followers during the month of December than any atheist or pagan I know.

Once I left the world of retail, and resigned as a member of our church staff, 

I vowed that I would never treat people in that manner.

That I would be different. 

I vowed that I would treat others with utmost respect, kindness, and patience during the holiday season. That I would not get caught up in the materialism of the season and instead, extend the love of Jesus by clothing the poor and feeding the hungry. That I would make it a point to smile everywhere I went. Or bake cookies and bring them to those who would not be able to celebrate Christmas with their families this year.

 I thought that I was spreading Christmas cheer everywhere I went. 

That I was celebrating Christmas in a way that honored Jesus. 

But I was wrong. 

Very wrong.

Jesus ruined my Christmas.

You see, I still didn't get it. 

Then late last night/early this morning He spoke to me. 

He reminded me of this:

Christmas isn't about gifts. 

You cannot buy it at the store.

You cannot wrap it and put it under the tree.

It isn't about Christmas trees or lights or decorations.

Christmas isn't about being kind and compassionate to one another.

It isn't about feeding the poor or clothing the homeless.

It isn't about spending extra time with your family.

It isn't reading about His birth in Luke 2.

Or even experiencing the awe and wonder...

...the beauty and majesty...

...of the manager. 

It's about a person.

One person in particular.

HIMSELF.

Christmas is a celebration of the fact that 

love

...unconditional, unimaginable, unexplainable...

love

came down and dwelt among us.

Christmas is all about enjoying the very Presence of God.

Emmanuel.

God With Us.

And He wants us to experience the wonder and hope of Christmas
not just once a year- but every single day of the year.

So it really doesn't matter 

whether or not we choose to buy our loved ones gifts.

Or put up a Christmas tree.

Or decorate our houses with lights.

Or travel about the neighborhoods singing Christmas carols.

Or baking Christmas cookies.

Or feeding the hungry and clothing the homeless.

None of those things 

{and they are good things. very good things.}

matter at all if we are too busy to take the time to be still and enjoy the very Presence of God.

You can do all of those things and still miss Christmas... 

just like I did.

Or...

You can do all of those things,

and experience the very hope and joy of Christmas.

Because you understood what Christmas was all about.

You took the time to bask in the Presence of the Most High.

That is what He wants. 

That is what brings Him glory.

Your time.

Your heart.

So please, don't spend this season arguing with each other 

over whether or not to wish someone 

"Merry Christmas" 

or 

"Happy Holidays."

 Or angrily write "Merry CHRISTmas" on everything you can get your hands on

because "Jesus is the Reason for the Season."

Or debate over whether or not your children should celebrate Santa Claus.

Yes, I think Jesus asks each of us to "celebrate" His birth differently.

But what He has called one family to do does not mean that He has universally called all Christians to do the same. 

I think if we get too caught up in all of that we will miss it.

We will miss His Spirit calling us...

...inviting us...

...alluring us...

to simply enjoy Him.

 Jesus ruined my Christmas because I had forgotten what really mattered-

to take the time to seek His face.

To sit at His feet.

To bask in His glory.

To enjoy Him.

And I am so very glad He did.

Now My Eye Sees You...

Wow! What a busy week it has turned out to be! Take a few moments, if you will, to read Job Chs 38-42 and then read the following words from Job. These words truly blessed me today and I hope that they would in turn be a blessing to You!

"I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted. 'Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?' "Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know." 'Hear, now, and I will speak; I will ask You, and You will instruct me.' "I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; but now my eye see You..." Job 42:2-5

By Way of the Wilderness {Part 1}

{Photo courtesy of Google Images}

"... God led the people around by the way of the wilderness..."

Exodus 13:18

Have you ever spent time in the desert? It is hot. Dry. Often uncomfortable. It is a wasteland. Barren. And it's usually missing something...

Water.

Roughly 6 months ago, God led me into a wilderness season of my own. I had recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia  and had to resign from a ministry position that I absolutely loved. My medication made me depressed. I felt isolated, abandoned, and utterly alone. At first I was angry with God. And I harbored bitterness deep within my heart. I did not understand why all of this was happening to me... why those who claimed to love me and care about me had abandoned me during the darkest season of my life. ... and believe me, I tried to put on happy face and look at my circumstances as positively as I could- but it was all a facade. I was too proud to admit to anyone exactly how wounded I really was.

God was desperately trying to get my attention.

A few months later we began experiencing some financial problems. My former salary wasn't much, but it had helped pay the bills. We looked at our budget and began making drastic cuts. No more date nights. No more restaurant outings. No more leisure shopping trips.  And still... it did not seem to be enough. It appeared that no matter what we did, we were struggling to make ends meet. There were times this summer when we were trying to figure out how in the world we were going to feed our family. My life seemed to be spiralling out of control and I didn't know why. My soul felt dry. Barren. A wasteland... in need of rain.

God was desperately trying to get my attention.

I cannot recall exactly what day it was-  it was sometime in late July/early August- but God got a hold of me, and finally captured my attention. The Lord revealed to me that He was purposefully leading me into a wilderness season so that I could experience Him in ways that I had never experienced before. He was tenderly drawing me closer to Him. He desired for me to put my full confidence in Him, and noone else. He was leading me into a time of isolation, so to speak, so that I could hear His voice, loud and clear. It became obvious at that point that this new season was going to be a difficult journey, one that I wasn't particularily looking forward to. But I trusted the Lord completely, and let Him lead the way...