A few days ago, I was writing in my journal, listening to music by Christy Nockels.
'Waiting Here For You' came on and as always, I immediately began to sing along.
I have heard the lyrics to this song probably a thousand times, but that morning, the following phrase struck me to the core of my being.
If faith can move the mountains
Let the mountains move...
I was forced to ask myself the million dollar question, "When was the last time I asked God to move mountains?"
Ummmm.... Well.... Okay, I admit, it's been awhile.
Then God and I proceeded to carry on the following conversation:
"Do you believe that I am El Shaddai? That I AM God Almighty?"
"Absolutely!" I cried.
"Do you really believe that, Dear One? With all of your heart? With all of your being?"
"Yes, Lord. I truly believe that you are capable of such things."
"Are you sure you want Me to ask you this question again?"
After an extended period of silence, I finally answered, "Forgive me, Lord, for ever doubting You."
I believe that God is capable of extraordinary things. I have not only been witness to it in other people's lives, but I have personally experienced such things in my own life as well. Why now, would I suddenly doubt that He could move the mountains that currently stood in my path? Why now, was I beginning to doubt His goodness and compassion toward me?
I have been wrestling with these thoughts for days; asking the Holy Spirit to illuminate areas in my life where doubt was lying hidden in the dark crevices of my heart. It didn't take long before it became apparent to me that the root of my doubt was caused by my inability to fully relinquish control over to the Lord. I doubted His timing- therefore I doubted His Sovereignty. And because I doubted His Sovereignty, I began to doubt His goodness. If left unchecked, it would have continued to snowball from there.
I believed in my head that God's timing was perfect. Absolutely perfect. But my heart began to slowly resent God when His timeline and my timeline were no longer aligned.
I had grown tired of waiting and instead of presenting these feelings honestly before God and asking Him to change my heart, I buried them deep within; thinking that I could somehow, someway, hide them from my Lord. My doubt had slowly seeped into every aspect of my life- and I didn't even realize it. Not until that divine conversation.
I praise God that He loves me despite of my self and that He longs to draw me close. I love that He is willing to shine His Light on my heart and expose the sin that had taken root. I love that He covers me in His grace and through His forgiveness, remembers my sin no more.
And I love that it is through Christ, who is in me, that I can now look at the mountains currently blocking my path and confidently proclaim in faith, "Move."
"...if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, "Move from here to there, and it will move..."
Matthew 17: 20